Interview with the Vampire

By Eric Wendt

Ahead of Nebraska Wesleyan University Theatre’s production of “Dracula,” I sat down with Count Dracula in McDonald Theatre’s green room for a brief interview.

Our exchange follows.

Q. Count Dracula, thank you for making time tonight to speak with us. I want to begin with the question on so many people’s minds this—

A. Quiet, mortal! I shall ask the questions, and I shall answer them as well. You will sit and transcribe on that lustrous slate with the bitten apple on the back.

Q. You wish to know where I’ve been all these years and why I’ve chosen here and now for my return.

A. My designs are my own. I spread my work over centuries. As for this theatre, the raw ambition and drive exhibited by these professors and these students echo the undead. In that way, I rather like it here.

Q. What are my impressions of my cast-mates?

A. They are certain of their cleverness. The boy who plays Van Helsing finds it amusing to steal my shoes during rehearsal, tie the laces together, and cast them high into the rafters where they snag in the lights. This forces me—much to their delight—to scale the cinderblock walls or transform myself into a bat to fetch them. Oh, how they laugh!

I will destroy them.

Q. Do I look forward to the play?

A. Very much so. I can’t wait to see the audience’s pale faces all in rows, like sheep in a butcher’s shop.

Q. What do I make of the recent “vampire craze” that’s swept this young nation?

A. To use a 20th century term, I am not a “fan.”

I cannot fathom how 400-year-old vampires these days fall for these vacuous teenagers. What could they possibly have in common? It’s absurd!

A final thing: Vampires. Do. Not. Glitter!

With that, the green room filled with a pale mist. A chorus of prairie wolves yipped outside, and the count disappeared.

My interview with the vampire was finished.

“Dracula” runs October 25-November 4 with a special 10 p.m. showing on Halloween. Check theatre.nebrwesleyan.edu for complete show times. Want to come to the Halloween performance in costume? NWU’s costume library has tens of thousands of items available for rent. Learn more at costumelibrary.nebrwesleyan.edu.