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Cooper Center > Sample Paper
 Curious about the results of a conference? Check out the three items below. We've included a portion of a sample student paper, the types of comments a consultant might include, and a revised version of the paper. Although these comments mostly concern content, had the student made spelling or grammatical errors, we would have also identified and discussed those.
A Sample Student Paper
The Problem at Buffalo Commons
Henry David Thoreau states in "Civil Disobedience" that Americans should stop injustice. He thinks that America doesn't show much intellect or self-reliance and that citizens should act according to free will as is a human's true nature. Thoreau wants readers to know that some authority is not justified. He wants the readers to know right from wrong and act the better even if this means being civilly disobedient.
"Buffalo Commons" was developed in New Jersey by two Rutgers University professors, Frank and Deborah Popper. It is essentially a land management plan to make the the great plains back into a prairie. Buffalo Commons would include part of Nebraska, North and South Dakota, Colorado, Montana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, and Wyoming. Over the next thirty years they want to turn 139,000 square miles of open land into a wildlife refuge because, "On the plains I saw anguish, waste, a lack of sense and awful planning." In this way, the Poppers believe they can improve the urban and rural areas of this country.
I was born in Nebraska and have a sentimental attachment to the area, but my argument with the Buffalo Commons proposal is not based on this fact alone. The Poppers arguments are weak. They state that the weak economy of the great plains, combined with low investment, construction and population density are adequate justification for their proposal.
While the agricultural based economy of Nebraska has been weak in past years, there is still investment and construction going on. My community and the neighboring community contradict the Poppers......
The Same Paper With Comments Marked
The Problem at Buffalo Commons Henry David Thoreau states in "Civil Disobedience" that Americans should stop injustice. [1] He thinks that America doesn't show much intellect or self-reliance and citizens should act according to free will as is a human's true nature. [2]Thoreau wants readers to know that some authority is not justified. [3] He wants the readers to know right from wrong and act the better even if this means being civilly disobedient.[4]
"Buffalo Commons" was developed in New Jersey by two Rutgers University professors, Frank and Deborah Popper. [5]It is essentially a land management plan to make the the great plains back into a prairie. [6] Buffalo Commons would include part of Nebraska, North and South Dakota, Colorado, Montana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, and Wyoming. Over the next thirty years they want to turn 139,000 square miles of open land into a wildlife refuge because, "On the plains I saw anguish, waste, a lack of sense and awful planning." In this way, the Poppers believe they can improve the urban and rural areas of this country. [7]
I was born in Nebraska and have a sentimental attachment to the area, but my argument with the Buffalo Commons proposal is not based on this fact alone. [8]The Poppers arguments are weak. They state that the weak economy of the great plains, combined with low investment, construction and population density are adequate justification for their proposal. [9] While the agricultural based economy of Nebraska has been weak in past years, there is still investment and construction going on. My community and the neighboring community contradict the Poppers...... [10]
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- Check with the instructions about how to write a rhetorical precis (summary); have you included the genre, a rhetorically accurate verb for the sentence and any relevant quotations from the work?
- Perhaps 'wrote' would be a more effective verb to use here. What exactly did he say? Could you use a direct quotation?
- How might you characterize (in different words) what Thoreau is doing? Certainly he wants readers to realize--that's the effect. But what verb would show his action? Is he claiming something? distinguishing between two options? issuing a challenge?
- How do readers come to know right from wrong? What do they have to do first?
- What kind of transition could you provide between the first and second paragraphs to help the readers follow your argument?
- Perhaps you should explain what "it" is.
- Where did you take this quotation from? "In what way" means what? By turning back the clock?
- Instead of "but" perhaps you should begin this sentence with "although."
- Are ALL of their arguments weak? Remember to capitalize "Great Plains."
- Name these communities.
The Same Paper, Revised to Reflect The Comments Provided
Buffalo Commons: Why I Am Against a National Plan to Reclaim the Plains
In his essay, "Civil Disobedience," Henry David Thoreau presented to citizens everywhere a challenge to act against society and "stop the machine" of injustice. He wrote that America had, "dwindled into...a manifest lack of intellect and cheerful self-reliance," and that citizens should let their lives become a "counter friction" by acting according to free will as is a human's true nature. Thoreau issued this challenge to make his readers realize that not all authority is justified. He wanted his readers to evaluate their own morals and judge for themselves right from wrong and act accordingly, even if this meant acting civilly disobedient.
An issue which concerns me is a proposal known as "Buffalo Commons." Developed in New Jersey by two Rutgers University professors, Frank and Deborah Popper, Buffalo Commons is essentially a national land management plan which would convert much of the Great Plains back into prairie, thus creating the world's largest national park. According to THE NEW YORK TIMES, June 24, 1990, the Buffalo Commons area would include portions of Nebraska, North and South Dakota, Colorado, Montana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Wyoming. Mr. and Mrs. Popper assert that over the next thirty years much of the Great Plains should become a hurge reserve with more than 139,000 miles of open land and a wildlife refuge because, as Mrs. Popper stated in THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE, "On the Plains I saw anguish, waste, a lack of sense, and awful planning." By attempting to turn back the ecological and economic clock one hundred years, the Poppers apparently believe they can improve upon both the urban and the rural areas of this country.
As one born and raised in western Nebraska, part of the area targetted for inclusion in the "world's largest national park," I disagree with the Poppers' "Buffalo Commons" proposal. Although I naturally have a deep sentimental attachment to this area, my argument with this proposal is not based on this fact alone. Many of the reasons on which the Poppers have based their plan are weak at best. They state that the poor economy of the Great Plains, combined with low investment, construction, and population density justify their proposal. While the agriculturally based economy of Nebraska has been weak in past years, investment and construction continue, increasing in some areas. My community of Franklin and a neighboring city of Kearney serve as two perfect foils for the Poppers' premisses...
Want more information? See our list of consultant "wills and won'ts" at: Writing Workshop Page, or stop by at the Cooper Center!
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